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Harold's Going Stiff 2011 British

Lonely pensioner, Harold Gimble, has become the first man to suffer from a new neurological disease that is slowly turning him into a zombie-like state. Harold s hermit-like existence is shaken up when a vivacious nurse, Penny Rudge, is sent along to alleviate his stiffness. Her special massage techniques work a treat on Harold and they become close friends.

Harold agrees to trial a possible cure for the disease at a private institute, and the initial results are excellent. But the following day he's in an even worse state than before, and after Penny accidentally overhears the doctor s dire prognosis for Harold she decides to sneak him away the next morning.

Word soon gets out, and before long a small group of bloodthirsty thugs are pursuing Harold and Penny across dramatic moorlands in the hope of a kill.

100% from fans onRT

5.8/10 on IMDB which is pretty good I think

It was alright

5/10 from me

A sad metaphor for dementia and other degenerative diseases, Alzheimer’s Parkinson’s etc

The hunters were annoying and unnecessarily comedic which is out of place with the rest of the movie

Flipped as you could tell between a documentary style and not… it was inconsistent

Good to see something from that angle, I think Maggie is similar with arnie? I don’t. Know

In the end it was a sad story about a lonely man at the end of his days in a lot of pain, who is given some hope, before the inevitable happens. Yeah, 5/10 is fair.

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Rememeber Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter? Ben Walker, Anthony Mackie, May Elizabeth Winstead, Dominic Cooper, Rufus Sewell, Jimmi SImpsom…. 2012 5.9 on IMDB 34% on RT? Well, this isn't that.

Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombie also 2012 but that is the only thing in common, starring…. Well nobody. Horror movie stalwart Bill Oberst from circus of the dead, werewolf risin, painkiller, scary or die, a haunting in same, dismal, valley of the saquatch, ditch day massacre, Krampus and nude nuns with big guns (seriously) as Abraham Lincoln 3.2 on IMDB 22% on RT

Produced by Asylum and release direct to video. Apparently it is a Mockbuster of the proper Vampire movie by 20th Century Fox. So jumping on the Vampire hunter marketing coattails.

Looking at the reviews. Jason Adams said it was extremely repetitive, with a script full of terrible lines. Other than Oberst the actors pretty much suck post colonial wastewater.

Dread Central said Oberst was good but overly written scenes, wildly uneven pacing and confusingly staged scenes prevented it from living up to its potential.

Connect Savannah said it was terrible.

Starburst said it was sluggishly directed from a weak script.

Everyone praised Oberst.

Even with the adding of Stonewall Jackson, Pat Garrett and Teddy Roosevelt, in the end, unlike Exit Humanity that has Brian Cox, Bill Moseley ,Stephen McHattie and Dee Wallace it doesn’t work.

The reviewers were right. Oberst was the only thing that worked. He gave a decent performance as Abe. Everyone else was average at best. The effects were poor. The constant speeches, the repetitive standing around, speech, then running about to orchestral music, then standing around got to much. It was haphazard in its timing.

3.5/10

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Not a lot is written about this 2004 movie for a reason. The cast and crew appear nowhere online in headshot form for a reason.

Conceptually it is an ok premise. The hadron collider has an unexpected dump of radiation. A team led by the chief scientist is heading down into it and 4 twenty something junior scientists volunteer to monitor it for the weekend. The radiation causes the research team to turn into zombies, and the volunteers need to escape the tunnels of the institute whilst malevolent forces from outside hamper their escape.

What do we get? 4 awful British actors walking tunnels slowly. They are jumped from nowhere by a zombie, fight it off. Run around the corner, then start to walks really slowly again. Repeat and rinse.

There is one decent scene/shot.

And the highlight was when one of the characters asking "did you get through to anyone?" and the subtitles stating "3 2 1".

Could have been done well but wasn't. Had a Cornetto in the freezer as a nod to Shaun of the Dead and some very loose 28 Days Later music at some point. But, all in all, this was a very poor effort deserving of it's 2/10 score

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Zompocalypse Therapy Sessions

Follows Erica, an agoraphobic therapist, and her anxious clients who must fight to overcome their personal problems and the zompocalypse. Erica is a therapist with problems. In particular, the walking dead. She doesn't know what to advise clients in zombie situations. Between the zombie-virus lockdown and her agoraphobia, she's afraid to leave the house. Her husband Bob is cranky about being confined with her, and a zombie attack doesn't improve his mood at all. Warren, a street-smart zombie slayer, can't believe her lack of survival instincts. Erica and her anxious clients (the ones who didn't get eaten yet) must process the changes brought by the zompocalypse. And survive zombies.

How was it?

Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.Awful.

It took 3 sittings to struggle through this horse shit. It is made awful by Blaze Lovejoy the writer (awful), director (terrible), producer (well it was made), executive producer (awful decision making) and star (ON SCREEN FOR 95% of the movie!!!!).

Conceptually the movie could be a cult classic. If it was more like As We Know It this could have worked. But no, it is not like that at all. She hogs the screen for 95% of the movie. She cannot act. She looks down the lens on a dozen occasions. She cannot direct. The writing is awful. You just want Erica to die.

If this was a comedy there were no jokes. It is not funny, other than conceptually.

There are some movies that are so bad they are good. This is not one of them. This movie is so bad period. I want a refund, and the 90 mins of my life back.

2/10 (and they should be thankful for that)

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During Thailand's WWII involvement, a Japan-engineered chemical weapon creates a voracious superhuman horde of Thai soldiers leaving a blood-soaked path of ultra-violence and destruction. Yet the greatest victims are the abject undead themselves. Friendships, dreams, and lives devoured... nothing remains.

The trailer looked good for this one so I grabbed on blu ray as there was no other alternative. The gore looked good, the zombies looked good in a Far Eastern fast movie Korean zombies go.

It has a lot of good elements. Basically, those fiendish axis of evil Japanese invaders, including an OTT anime style commander, let a chemical/virus loose on the poor unsuspecting Thais. It takes over a close-knit unit of recruits, who all grew up together, turning them into bloodthirsty monsters that kill without thinking and then regret it afterwards. And that is the new element, the zombies cannot control their rage, wiping out their own people, including kids, and then feel awful the next day. Talk about killer's remorse.

There were a few elements I didn't like; turning to dust when reaching a point of karma, still functioning with literally no head, and it did seem repetitive as we went through the same scenario a few times.

But overall a pretty decent effort from the same country that have us Paradise Z and Zombie Fighters. I would give it a go.

6/10

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You remember those meals where you didn't really have everything you needed? Maybe it was a few days before payday and you need to make something with what you have? So you have kosher chicken hot dog wieners, Marinara sauce and 2 minute noodles for dinner? Well this movie from 2015 is that meal.

In a town where Dennis Leary's factory dominates the skyline, and he sponsors everything, using the money he makes from selling the Ribblet, a processed meat product with a chemical found on Saturn (WTAF?), humans, vampires and zombies live peacefully and in harmony.

We have all the high school nonsense, bullying, the pretty guy pressuring the girls into having sex with aggressive manipulation, stoners, uptight teachers, and friendships gained and lost.

Nerd Ned, awkward baseball pitcher Dag, and slutty girl Petra are all human. Although Ned is bullied and sees the zombies are totally chilled about everything, so lets himself get turned, and Petra is pressed until she lets the handsome lead vamp turn her too.

Aliens then turn up and the vamps think the humans called them to wipe them out, the humans thinks the vamps called them to wipe them out, and the zombies... well they just wonder why no one brought the days supplies of brains.

Everyone turns on each other, and the 3 main characters are thrown together trying to work out what is going on, whilst rekindling friendships. Oh and there is a alien voiced by Werner Herzog, and a family of werewolves.

In the end it was that meal. Was it tasty? The comedy was very funny, maybe too funny. Michael-Keegan Kay, Patton Oswalt and Bob Odenkirk, and Ned, were hilarious. Kay too funny at times, because it didn't balance with the heavy teen stuff of losing parents, forcing someone into sex and bullying. The drama was too dramatic for the comedy, and the comedy was too funny for the drama.

If you like two minute noodles with your kosher hot dogs and marinara sauce you will love this. I thought it was ok.

5.5/10

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1983/4 and a Troma effort back when a Troma effort looked on par with the likes of Zombie Flesh Eaters, Zombie Creeping Flesh and Zombie 4: After Death. In this movie a group of American tourists unwittingly fall foul of unseen forces on a small island after witnessing a voodoo ritual. Some gore, a couple of jumps, but a lot of nonsense otherwise.

Is this a zombie movie? Until the payoff. But, should I be hard on it for that? Maybe. Unhuman was also not really zombies, Summer Camp too. However, we go into it based on the idea that it is. And Zombie Island Massacre made in the early 1980s screamed zombie movie to me. Do I feel cheated? No, really, I have seen worse.

I watched it, so you don't have to.

3/10

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In this festive time Michael and I talk gifts, and the gift that is the 28 Years Later trailer that dropped this week and made the online horror community wet themselves. In short, we are both excited, but not convinced. After all, it is no Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies. How dare you!