Out of Focus
My Story of Sexuality, Shame, and Toxic Evangelicalism
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Narrated by:
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Amber Cantorna-Wylde
About this listen
When a mass shooter killed five people in an LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado Springs, grieving people graffitied James Dobson's Focus on the Family headquarters with the words "Their blood is on your hands." Such an accusation comes as no surprise to Amber Cantorna-Wylde, whose father is a Focus on the Family executive and cast Amber out of her family when she came out in 2012. From severed family ties to malicious murder, such enmity is the fruit of a religious movement that considers it more faithful to reject your child or even to kill than to accept and love LGBTQ+ people. Evangelical organizations like Dobson's, along with pastors like Jerry Falwell, Franklin Graham, and Robert Jeffress, built an empire out of their conservative Christian beliefs and convinced millions of Americans that sexual purity, patriarchal families, and militaristic nationalism were God's priority. Cantorna-Wylde shows listeners how the political and personal intertwine to cause shame and suffering that Jesus would never desire, including the long-term effects of identity-repression, trauma, and family estrangement. A blend of heart-wrenching memoir and astute cultural analysis, Out of Focus will help heal individuals harmed by evangelicalism's toxic influence and inspire Christian communities to pursue a path of love and inclusion.
©2023 Amber Cantorna-Wylde, Foreword Copyright 2023 by Westminster John Knox Press (P)2023 eChristianListeners also enjoyed...
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By: Unknown
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The Man Who Invented Christmas
- How Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol Rescued His Career and Revived Our Holiday Spirits
- By: Les Standiford
- Narrated by: Jonathan Davis
- Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Just before Christmas in 1843, a debt-ridden and dispirited Charles Dickens wrote a small book he hoped would keep his creditors at bay. His publisher turned it down, so Dickens used what little money he had to put out A Christmas Carol himself. He worried it might be the end of his career as a novelist. The book immediately caused a sensation. And it breathed new life into a holiday that had fallen into disfavor, undermined by lingering Puritanism and the cold modernity of the Industrial Revolution.
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Beautifully Told!
- By JodyB on 12-01-17
By: Les Standiford
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My Big TOE: Awakening
- Book One of a Trilogy Unifying Philosophy, Physics, and Metaphysics
- By: Thomas Campbell
- Narrated by: Thomas Campbell
- Length: 11 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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My Big TOE: Awakening, written by a nuclear physicist in the language of contemporary culture, unifies science and philosophy, physics and metaphysics, mind and matter, purpose and meaning, the normal and the paranormal. The entirety of human experience (mind, body, and spirit) including both our objective and subjective worlds is brought together under one seamless scientific understanding.
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What a Trip (but to where?)
- By Michael on 11-26-13
By: Thomas Campbell
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Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader
- By: Neville Goddard
- Narrated by: Barry J. Peterson
- Length: 14 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader, Includes all 10 of Neville Goddard's Spiritual Classics: At Your Command, Awakened Imagination & the Search, Feeling is the Secret, Freedom For All, Out of This World, Prayer, The Art of Believing, Seedtime and Harvest, The Law and The Promise, The Power of Awareness, and Your Faith Is Your Fortune. If you are familiar with the great American mystic, this will be a goldmine of wisdom in one book. If you are new to his work, you are in for a spiritual journey.
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Hidden Gem
- By TrauntsiePants on 05-22-18
By: Neville Goddard
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The Pagan World
- Ancient Religions Before Christianity
- By: Hans-Friedrich Mueller, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Hans-Friedrich Mueller
- Length: 12 hrs and 34 mins
- Original Recording
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In The Pagan World: Ancient Religions Before Christianity, you will meet the fascinating, ancient polytheistic peoples of the Mediterranean and beyond, their many gods and goddesses, and their public and private worship practices, as you come to appreciate the foundational role religion played in their lives. Professor Hans-Friedrich Mueller, of Union College in Schenectady, New York, makes this ancient world come alive in 24 lectures with captivating stories of intrigue, artifacts, illustrations, and detailed descriptions from primary sources of intriguing personalities.
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The Pagan World
- By arnold e andersen md Dr Andersen on 03-28-20
By: Hans-Friedrich Mueller, and others
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Super Attractor
- Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams
- By: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready to turn what you want into the life that you live? The number-one New York Times best-selling author of The Universe Has Your Back shows you how. In Super Attractor, Gabrielle Bernstein lays out the essential methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. This book is a journey of remembering where your true power lies. You'll learn how to co-create the life you want. You'll accept that life can flow, that attracting is fun, and that you don't have to work so hard to get what you want.
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Not a huge fan
- By Pamela H on 09-30-19
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Medieval Myths & Mysteries
- By: Dorsey Armstrong, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Dorsey Armstrong
- Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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The 10 enlightening (and often humorous) lectures of Medieval Myths and Mysteries will show you how far from the “dark” times of legend these centuries were. Uncover the facts about the Knights Templar. Reveal the truth behind the tales of legendary creatures like the Questing Beast and the unicorn. Trace the events of the Black Death and the ways it altered the world in its wake, and much more. With Professor Armstrong, you will dig deep into the ways that later generations reshaped the narrative of the medieval years and perpetuated the myths.
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Interesting, but centered on Britain
- By Ximena on 04-10-20
By: Dorsey Armstrong, and others
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As a twenty-three-year-old singer and the soon-to-be wife of youth pastor Joshua Harris, nothing in Shannon Harris's secular upbringing prepared her to enter the world of conservative Christianity. Soon Joshua's bestselling book I Kissed Dating Goodbye helped inspire a national purity movement, and Shannon's identity became "pastor's wife." The Woman They Wanted recounts Shannon's remarkable experience inside Big Church—where she was asked to live within a narrow definition of womanhood for almost two decades—and her journey out of that world and into a more authentic version of herself.
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You Are Your Own
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great content.
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Exvangelical and Beyond
- How American Christianity Went Radical and the Movement That's Fighting Back
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With the rise of Trumpism, the American evangelical movement has more political influence than ever—yet at the same time, people are leaving Christianity in record numbers. Why are so many people walking away from the right-wing religion they were raised in, and what are they doing to overcome the past? Writer and podcaster Blake Chastain is uniquely positioned to understand this phenomenon. Raised evangelical, he went to a Christian college intending to become a pastor—until he found himself unable to reconcile his faith with the prejudice and even abuse he saw being done in God’s name.
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Wondering why people are deconstructing? Read this
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The Exvangelicals
- Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church
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Growing up in a deeply evangelical family in the Midwest in the ‘80s and ‘90s, Sarah McCammon was strictly taught to fear God, obey him, and not question the faith. Persistently worried that her gay grandfather would go to hell unless she could reach him, or that her Muslim friend would need to be converted, and that she, too, would go to hell if she did not believe fervently enough, McCammon was a rule-follower. But through it all, she was plagued by fears and deep questions as the belief system she'd been carefully taught clashed with her expanding understanding of the outside world.
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Multiple Reasons
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Unashamed
- A Coming Out Guide for LGBTQ Christians
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- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
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On a daily basis, author and LGBTQ advocate Amber Cantorna receives emails asking the same question: How does one reconcile their sexuality with their faith? Depression, despair, and thoughts of suicide often haunt LGBTQ Christians as they feel unable to imagine the possibility of living a happy, fulfilling life as an LGBTQ person of faith.
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Wonderful resource
- By Trey S. on 05-05-24
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Baptistland
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When Christa Brown first spoke out about the sexual abuse she endured in her Texas childhood church, she never imagined it would expose the ethical chasm at the core of the Southern Baptist Convention: male religious leaders so focused on institutional protection that they sacrifice the safety of children. A book about speaking out and speaking up, Baptistland weaves together Christa’s revealing story of hope amid Southern patriarchy and religious fundamentalism.
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It was very boring.
- By Randall Sink on 07-24-24
By: Christa Brown
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The Woman They Wanted
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- Narrated by: Shannon Harris
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As a twenty-three-year-old singer and the soon-to-be wife of youth pastor Joshua Harris, nothing in Shannon Harris's secular upbringing prepared her to enter the world of conservative Christianity. Soon Joshua's bestselling book I Kissed Dating Goodbye helped inspire a national purity movement, and Shannon's identity became "pastor's wife." The Woman They Wanted recounts Shannon's remarkable experience inside Big Church—where she was asked to live within a narrow definition of womanhood for almost two decades—and her journey out of that world and into a more authentic version of herself.
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Her Story is Our Story
- By Amazon Customer on 11-04-23
By: Shannon Harris
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You Are Your Own
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- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
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Rooted in her experiences growing up in an evangelical Christian family, Jamie Lee Finch’s You Are Your Own offers an overview of evangelicalism and the painful confusion and anxiety experienced under its demands. Finch explores the mechanisms of trauma and how fundamentalist denominations match the patterns connected with PTSD. She elaborates on the doubt, guilt, fear, and grief that haunt those leaving the evangelical faith and offers an approach to help them recover healthy self-worth and resilience.
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great content.
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Exvangelical and Beyond
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With the rise of Trumpism, the American evangelical movement has more political influence than ever—yet at the same time, people are leaving Christianity in record numbers. Why are so many people walking away from the right-wing religion they were raised in, and what are they doing to overcome the past? Writer and podcaster Blake Chastain is uniquely positioned to understand this phenomenon. Raised evangelical, he went to a Christian college intending to become a pastor—until he found himself unable to reconcile his faith with the prejudice and even abuse he saw being done in God’s name.
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Wondering why people are deconstructing? Read this
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The Exvangelicals
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Growing up in a deeply evangelical family in the Midwest in the ‘80s and ‘90s, Sarah McCammon was strictly taught to fear God, obey him, and not question the faith. Persistently worried that her gay grandfather would go to hell unless she could reach him, or that her Muslim friend would need to be converted, and that she, too, would go to hell if she did not believe fervently enough, McCammon was a rule-follower. But through it all, she was plagued by fears and deep questions as the belief system she'd been carefully taught clashed with her expanding understanding of the outside world.
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Unashamed
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On a daily basis, author and LGBTQ advocate Amber Cantorna receives emails asking the same question: How does one reconcile their sexuality with their faith? Depression, despair, and thoughts of suicide often haunt LGBTQ Christians as they feel unable to imagine the possibility of living a happy, fulfilling life as an LGBTQ person of faith.
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When Christa Brown first spoke out about the sexual abuse she endured in her Texas childhood church, she never imagined it would expose the ethical chasm at the core of the Southern Baptist Convention: male religious leaders so focused on institutional protection that they sacrifice the safety of children. A book about speaking out and speaking up, Baptistland weaves together Christa’s revealing story of hope amid Southern patriarchy and religious fundamentalism.
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It was very boring.
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Rift
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Raised in the Christian patriarchy movement, Cait West was homeschooled and could only wear clothes her father deemed modest. She was five years old the first time she was told her swimsuit was too revealing, to go change. There would be no college in her future, no career. She was a stay-at-home daughter and would move out only when her father allowed her to become a wife. She was trained to serve men, and her life would never be her own.
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Compelling narrative and beautifully written
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Star-Spangled Jesus
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Social media influencer and podcast host April Ajoy wouldn’t have called herself a Christian Nationalist when she performed her original song “America Say Jesus” on the Jim Bakker show, or when she participated in Jesus Marches across America, or when she posted cringe-worthy videos on YouTube to campaign for Mitt Romney. April just considered herself a good Christian: faithful, Republican, and determined to make America a Christian nation once again.
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Eye Opening
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You're That Bitch
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Hilarious and earnest, this collection of essays, how-tos, and more goes far beyond what we know of Bretman Rock from social media. Who is Bretman Rock Sacayanan behind the screen and how did he become the original superstar influencer and today’s beloved best friend of the internet?
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5/5
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When Religion Hurts You
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- By: Laura E. Anderson PhD
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Dr. Laura Anderson takes an honest look at a side of religion that few like to talk about. Drawing from her own life and therapy practice, she helps listeners understand what religious trauma is and isn't, and how high-control churches can be harmful and abusive, often resulting in trauma. She shows how elements of fundamentalist church life—such as fear of hell, purity culture, corporal punishment, and authoritarian leaders—can cause psychological, relational, physical, and spiritual damage.
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Harmed by Church of Christ beliefs
- By Bryan Wade on 04-14-24
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The Violent Take It by Force
- The Christian Movement That Is Threatening Our Democracy
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Over the last decade, the Religious Right has evolved. Some of the more extreme beliefs of American evangelicalism have begun to take hold in the mainstream. Scholar Matthew D. Taylor pulls back the curtain on a little-known movement of evangelical Christians who see themselves waging spiritual battles on a massive scale.
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Comprehensively Researched
- By Chuck Anderson on 09-25-24
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A Well-Trained Wife
- My Escape from Christian Patriarchy
- By: Tia Levings
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- Unabridged
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Recruited into the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement as a young wife, Tia Levings learned that being a good Christian meant following a list of additional life principles—a series of secret, special rules to obey. Being a godly and submissive wife in Christian Patriarchy included strict discipline, isolation, and an alternative lifestyle that appeared wholesome to outsiders. Women were to be silent, “keepers of the home.” A Well-Trained Wife is an unforgettable memoir about a woman's race to save herself and her family and details the ways that extreme views can manifest in a marriage.
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A review from a chronic non-reviewer
- By T. L. P. on 08-11-24
By: Tia Levings
What listeners say about Out of Focus
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- randal b.
- 09-13-24
Deeply Insightful
What an incredibly thoughtful, insightful, and compelling work.
As a former evangelical, I have been trying to understand the far-right turn of that form of Christianity since 2016. This helps me grasp how the embrace of white heterosexual male dominant sexuality has shaped this part of the American church, while bleeding into Catholicism & mainline churches as well.
Beyond sociology, this is a revealing life story of how we as humans can be kinder & more accepting of one another.
I read this in one day because I could not stop engaging with it.
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- Sara Graff
- 07-02-24
giving words to those of us who can't find them
hearing this authors story was in many ways like hearing my own told back to me. With honesty and courage she lays out the truth of what growing up and coming out as a gay person can be like in evangelical spaces. I'm so very greatful for this book, and so sorry that we live in a world were I don't doubt a word of it.
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- Jeremy
- 06-18-24
Amazing
All I can say is that I was blown away by the incredible experiences this author survived. I was so encouraged by her story and strength.
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- Josh Clevenger
- 07-05-24
This resonates with my soul
I needed this. As a child of the 90s I was raised on the voices of James Dobson and Whit. Connie and Eugene taught me to parallel park, and my soul is tired. I cried, I healed, this book was needed in my life.
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- Leon
- 01-06-24
Raw, Honest, heartfelt
I appreciate Amber's honesty and vulnerability in sharing her difficult journey from a 'Focus' upbringing to finding her true self and be able to live unashamed, with dignity and confidence. I was born in '62, and grew-up in tight religious (Mennonite) faith community (aligned w Focus teachings), and in recent years have left the church (and belief in god) as i could no longer be part of a community that seemed to me to be using scripture (and authority of god) to advance their desires at the expense of people (like Amber) on the margins... I have a younger brother who committed suicide when I was 15.. to this day, i wonder if he struggled with something that was unacceptable in our family, and the church, that he couldn't share with others...
A valuable part of my recent journey has been a commitment to reading the stories of those who are different or on the margins, to hopefully help is see how much we all share the same yearnings and desires, and to make the world a safer, more inclusive and loving place. Thank you Amber for helping us all along that path.
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- Keith
- 06-11-24
Excellent work
I’m going to have to digest and get back to you on that. It was very well narrated and the content was incredibly topical for our times
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