It's Not You
Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
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Narrated by:
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Ramani Durvasula PhD
About this listen
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism
AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently?
As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.
Deeply compassionate and revelatory, It’s Not You examines how narcissists hijack our wellbeing and offers a healing path forward. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching, and helping clients navigate the landscape of narcissism, Dr. Durvasula unpacks the oft-misunderstood personality, showing how to identify the telltale signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist and protect yourself from their toxic influence. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep us stuck in these cycles, grieve the losses, create realistic boundaries, learn the fine art of discernment, and recover your sense of self after years of invalidation.
Healing and thriving after or even during a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but it is possible. It's Not You shows that the first step is to stop trying to change the narcissistic person, stop blaming yourself, and start giving yourself permission to foster your autonomy and sense of self outside of this relationship.
©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Overall
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Performance
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Astonishing information.
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Whole Again
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Performance
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By: Jackson MacKenzie, and others
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Overall
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Performance
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Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that ensures victims are left emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and devoid of any self-worth or self-esteem...ending a relationship with a narcissist isn’t that easy. In this audiobook, I want to offer you some guidance on this rarely-talked about aspect of an abusive relationship: how to deal with a narcissist when they’re your ex.
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thank you so much!!
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By: Lauren Kozlowski
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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: The Complete Guide to Recover from Emotional Abuse, Identify Narcissists, and Overcome Abusive Relationships
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Narcissistic abuse is hard to make sense of. One day, things are going great, the next, you’re left emotionally torn to pieces. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery guide will help you set healthy boundaries and make sense of the complex. It will give you actionable steps you can take toward achieving healthier relationships. When you have no idea how to properly handle narcissistic abuse, it will linger, escalate, and go on far longer than it should. It’s time to clear the muddy waters. This guide offers a deep dive into the forces that drive narcissistic abuse.
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lame. not much help. wasted credit
- By Anonymous User on 08-13-23
By: Linda Hill
Critic reviews
“A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”–Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The High Five Habit and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast
“Dr. Ramani has written the book on narcissism for our times, not simply because it upends everything we thought we knew about this personality, but because it gives real people a sense of hope…that they can heal, that they can move forward from these relationships, that it’s not you.”–Maria Shriver
“In writing It's Not You, Dr. Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realize it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”–W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
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Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.
-
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- By: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins
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- By: Debbie Mirza
- Narrated by: Debbie Mirza
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse is the most comprehensive and helpful audiobook on the topic of covert narcissism. This type of narcissism is one of the most damaging forms because the abuse is so hidden and so insidious. You can be in a relationship that can last for decades and not realize you are being psychologically and emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused.
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This book CHANGED MY LIFE!
- By Mojo on 12-19-18
By: Debbie Mirza
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Out of the Fog
- Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
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THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject
- By Alexandria Filipowski on 10-23-19
By: Dana Morningstar
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Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare
- How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 19 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Although clinical research has been conducted on narcissism as a disorder, less is known about its effects on victims who are in toxic relationships with partners with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Individuals with this disorder engage in chronic devaluation and manipulation of their partners, a psychological and emotional phenomenon known as "narcissistic abuse". Unfortunately, the full extent of what narcissistic abuse entails is not taught in any psychology class or diagnostic manual.
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Finally
- By zero on 12-08-16
By: Shahida Arabi
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The Narcissist's Playbook
- How to Identify, Disarm, and Protect Yourself from Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Other Types of Manipulative and Abusive People
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Do you continually feel anxious around someone in your life, but can’t pinpoint why?...Perhaps you know you are being manipulated or abused, but don’t know how to make it stop. The Narcissist’s Playbook can help. You can take back your life.
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powerful
- By All Dolled Up on 01-17-20
By: Dana Morningstar
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What You Need to Know about Narcissistic Abuse: 2-in-1 Book Bundle Featuring Start Here and Out of the Fog
- Understanding Narcissists, Sociopaths, or Other Types of Toxic People in Your Life
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 17 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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In this box set, you get the best-selling book Out of the Fog, and you get Start Here included as a bonus. The audiobook Out of the Fog will help you get out of the of confusion and into the clarity that you are looking for... Start Here will help you understand all of the concepts, terminology, and FAQs surrounding narcissistic abuse.
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A Must Read For Survivors Of Narcissism!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-12-20
By: Dana Morningstar
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Whole Again
- Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse
- By: Jackson MacKenzie, Shannon Thomas - foreword
- Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith, Erin Spencer
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Jackson MacKenzie has helped millions of people in their struggle to understand the experience of toxic relationships. His first book, Psychopath Free, explained how to identify and survive the immediate situation. In this highly anticipated new audiobook, he guides listeners on what to do next - how to fully heal from abuse in order to find love and acceptance for the self and others. MacKenzie shares insights and tools for working through the protective self we've developed so that we can finally move on to live a full and authentic life.
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Good content, but to much repeat
- By Adri on 03-23-19
By: Jackson MacKenzie, and others
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What a Narcissist Does at the End of a Relationship
- Dealing with and Understanding the Aftermath of a Narcissistic Relationship
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Breaking up in normal circumstances is hard enough. If you throw a narcissist into the equation, it makes it all the more difficult. If you're looking to listen to this audiobook, you're likely heartbroken and looking for some guidance, support, or understanding. As someone who has been through the hell of a narcissistic relationship, I can offer you all three, and I hope this audiobook can help you make sense of this heartbreaking time.
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Horrible! Read if you want to become a narcissist!
- By DJ on 01-21-21
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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When Love Is a Lie
- Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
- By: Zari L Ballard
- Narrated by: Lisa Bunting
- Length: 4 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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When our partner is a narcissist, only those who've actually experienced the madness will ever understand what we're going through. When Love Is a Lie is a straight-up, tell-all book about narcissism in relationships that skips the clinical bullshit to focus solely on the personal experience. A narrative that holds nothing back, Zari Ballard's story will educate, enlighten, and empower you to evaluate (and fully understand) the mind-boggling dysfunction in your own relationship.
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Greatfull to have found this!
- By Joy on 03-13-17
By: Zari L Ballard
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What Happened to You?
- Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
- By: Oprah Winfrey, Bruce D. Perry
- Narrated by: Bruce D. Perry, Oprah Winfrey
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”
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I waited more than 30 years for this book.
- By Gary S. on 04-28-21
By: Oprah Winfrey, and others
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Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1)
- Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, ... and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships)
- By: Linda Hill
- Narrated by: S. L. Albert, Vicky David, Alene Sorensen
- Length: 12 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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This groundbreaking book includes four books that will teach you from start to finish, everything you need to know about Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD, as well as how to recover from each one of them.
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Biased
- By Aurhoranstar on 04-12-23
By: Linda Hill
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Start Here: A Crash Course in Understanding, Navigating, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Confusing. Crazy making. Draining. Does this describe your relationship? Do you wonder if they will ever change? Do you want to know why they lie so much...even when the truth would work better? Have you wondered why they never seem to change - no matter how much you are willing to do for them, or how much love, understanding, rehab, religion, therapy, second (or 22nd) chances you’ve given them? If so, you are not alone and this book is a great place to start.
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The best
- By Icebound on 02-13-19
By: Dana Morningstar
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Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: The Complete Guide to Recover from Emotional Abuse, Identify Narcissists, and Overcome Abusive Relationships
- Break Free and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships
- By: Linda Hill
- Narrated by: S. L. Albert
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Narcissistic abuse is hard to make sense of. One day, things are going great, the next, you’re left emotionally torn to pieces. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery guide will help you set healthy boundaries and make sense of the complex. It will give you actionable steps you can take toward achieving healthier relationships. When you have no idea how to properly handle narcissistic abuse, it will linger, escalate, and go on far longer than it should. It’s time to clear the muddy waters. This guide offers a deep dive into the forces that drive narcissistic abuse.
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lame. not much help. wasted credit
- By Anonymous User on 08-13-23
By: Linda Hill
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Disarming the Narcissist (Third Edition)
- Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
- By: Wendy T. Behary LCSW, Jeffrey Young PhD - foreword, Daniel J. Siegel MD - preface
- Narrated by: Joana Garcia
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on fan feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.
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Makes me dislike Narcissists even more!
- By Kirsty Gastrow on 06-23-22
By: Wendy T. Behary LCSW, and others
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Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship
- Narcissistic Relationship Recovery, Book 1
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Not relevant for everyone dealing with trauma bonding
- By Alesia Braund on 11-18-20
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control in Personal Relationships
- By: Adelyn Birch
- Narrated by: Kitty Hendrix
- Length: 1 hr and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Identifying covert emotional manipulation is tricky. You sense something is wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on the problem. This powerful book will reveal to you if manipulation is at play in your relationships. It will open your eyes. You will learn 30 tactics manipulators use to get what they want. You will also learn to spot the warning signs within yourself that expose covert manipulation is taking place, even if you can't identify the specific tactics being used.
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This book can change your life!
- By Cat O. on 04-04-18
By: Adelyn Birch
What listeners say about It's Not You
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- CarolynB
- 03-01-24
I was finally able to understand what happened for me in my marriage with a covert narcissistic man.
I loved that it was written for the person being manipulated not about the manipulator.
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4 people found this helpful
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- by jake
- 03-13-24
Dr Ramani is paving the way!
Dr Ramani is the voice to what so many of us have endured for years, without understanding what we it was we were going thru. Kudos to her for having the guts to stand her ground within her own field. I particularly appreciated hearing that in order to heal, we don’t always have to “forgive” our abuser bc certain things are unforgivable. Keep up the great work Dr Ramani!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Khooks
- 03-15-24
Look in the mirror
I feel that this book has a powerful message for all that are dealing with a narcissist.
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- Sharon C.
- 03-08-24
Honest, Humble and Helpful!
Thank you for writing this book to help those of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse. I love the quote “ the story of the hunt told by the lion”. 
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- Amanda Etienne
- 03-23-24
Spot-on
A very thorough and accurate analysis of the devastating effects of narcissism, and a practical approach toward a hopeful future
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- Christina
- 03-13-24
Powerful yet peaceful
I plan on keeping this read in my back pocket. Her words and gentle tone truly drive home the healing process and empowered me to carry on with further healing and so much clarity. Thank you
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- Amazon Customer
- 03-20-24
Excellent
The narrator did a GREAT job of speaking to you. It was like a personal therapy session. Finally..someone who explained things so I could finally get it..
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- Danny Martin
- 03-13-24
How my life will be forever changed
This book helped me understand my relationship and provided me the tools to be happy again :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️
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- Coco
- 03-31-24
Eye opening!
The most helpful book I have read in a long time! This book breaks down how to move forward with your life after narcissistic relationships.
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- Tennessee M Marcelo
- 04-28-24
Beyond Grateful
I am deeply grateful for the work you have done on this topic. By naming the myriad emotions I experience from having multiple narcissistic individuals in my life, this book brings hope, courage, compassion, and understanding to my life. Thank you!
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