Showing results by author "Rick Gualtieri" in All Categories

My name is Tamara Bentley, "Bent" to my friends, and I'm not supposed to exist. I was born of the forbidden union between a witch and a werewolf, and they've been trying their damnedest to hide my existence ever since. But now my secret is out, and my uncle, the leader of the wolf pack, is pissed beyond belief. In his eyes, I'm something that should've never been born. He wants me dead and doesn't care who he has to sacrifice to get the job done.

Nobody likes getting bullied, and Donny has had enough. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he solicits the help of the old Asian man at the end of his street to teach him Karate. During a grueling two days of training, Donny earns belt after belt, until he finally becomes a Karate Master.

My name's Bill Ryder and I have no life – and not because I program video games or play D&D. I literally have no heartbeat thanks to the night I met Sally. She was too good to be true, a woman to die for. So I did, bleeding out on the floor with my throat torn open. Problem is, I didn't stay dead. I’m simply not that lucky. Now I'm a vampire, surrounded by other vamps who are stronger, faster, and a hell of a lot better looking. It's enough to give a guy a complex. Worse, their leader, a douche called Night Razor, can't stand me.

My name's Tamara Bentley, and I should be happy to be heading home for the holidays. Too bad tensions between the supernatural forces surrounding my hometown are at an all-time high - witches and werewolves, ancient enemies who would happily slaughter each other. One side fears me, the other doesn't know I exist, and I aim to keep it that way, lest they both decide to find common ground in killing me.

A goddess returned, a war between primal powers, and a prophecy to fulfill. That's a lot of crap to heap on anyone's plate, much less a former programmer from Brooklyn. But that's exactly what Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - has to deal with. Half his friends are missing and those who are left are mired in chaos. Sadly, Armageddon isn't about to give them a breather. The White Mother, queen of the witches, is amassing her forces to exterminate all who stand in her way.

The collection begins with "The Ghost of Hooker Alley," which introduces listeners to 10-year-old Sarah and six-year-old Tommy. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, Sarah and Tommy think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley.... "The Monkey's Penis" features Chris, a teenage boy who receives a birthday gift unlike any other. In "Gary's Children," a man's quest for stress relief leads to terror, and an unexpected kidnapping takes place in "Aliens Wrecked Our Kegger."

Ed Vesser feels trapped by his life - literally. He’s being held prisoner by a would-be world conqueror. All he wants is to escape back to his fiancé, assuming she doesn’t dump his ass when she finds out he’s a vampire. Serena Taylor’s a witch with a knack for technomancy - using her magic to help deliver unreal profit margins. Too bad she’ll need to put in some overtime thanks to long-lost dryads and undead goons breathing down her neck.

For five years, my life has been a living breathing hell - literally. Worst of all, I don't remember any of it. We're not talking some vague blackout here, no, this is full-on comic book levels of amnesia. But now I'm back, only to find the whole world managed to survive without me. Some hero I turned out to be.

Gamer, geek, and legendary vampire Bill Ryder isn’t having a great day. His girlfriend is lost in another dimension, his apartment’s been staked out by werewolves, and to top it all off, he’s flat broke. Too bad there’s no rest for the wicked. Monstrous beasts of biblical proportions have been unleashed upon the world, leaving Bill with a mighty big question—how the hell is one poor-ass vamp supposed to stop something the size of a battleship? All’s not lost, though.

Gamer, geek, and vampire – Bill Ryder was a normal guy who's now trying to survive in a world of abnormal horrors. Despite awesome powers and a Brooklyn-sized attitude, the odds are stacked heavily against him. Bill must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient terrors threatening it – all while trying to build some semblance of a social life.

Bill Ryder’s past and present are about to collide. His girlfriend’s been marked for death by the immortal temptress who wants him. One’s a witch and the other’s a vampire, which means the chances of them talking out their problems over tea are slim to none. It’s bad enough Bill’s too distracted by evil leprechauns and redneck werewolves to put a stop to it, but now something massive has been spotted prowling the waters of the Hudson - a harbinger of biblical proportions, forewarning of dark times to come.

Tantor Audio presents six must-listen stories from the horror comedy series Shingles.... Shingles Audio Collection Volume 2 begins with "Terror on Hypo Beach", in which a family vacation turns out to be anything but ordinary. In "Put Your Hand in My Ass", Will needs a mentor for the upcoming high school talent show. What he gets is Sloppy - an enchanted puppet with weird sexual proclivities and an extremely problematic approach to comedy.

"Stranger's Thing" by Robert Bevan: Four friends get more than they bargained for when they break into a seemingly abandoned research lab. "The Shingling" by Steve Wetherell: Johnny Terry, a recovering meth addict, is excited to start his new life as the caretaker at the Underpass Motel. Unfortunately, the Underpass is haunted by the ghosts of dead porn stars. "The Haunting of Whore House" by Robert Bevan: Lucy and her brother, Junkie, find out that moving was only the beginning of their troubles when they encounter the ghost of a little boy in the woods. Plus three more!

This omnibus edition contains the final four books of the bestselling Tome of Bill series. Bill Ryder is an unlikely hero trying to survive in a world of supernatural horrors. Despite awesome powers, loyal allies, and a Brooklyn-sized attitude; the odds are stacked heavily against him. Bill must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient terrors that threaten it -- all while trying to build some semblance of a social life.

My name is Jessie Flores and I thought I was done being jerked around by witches, dryads, and gods in my quest to become a real-life superhero. Turns out they were just getting started. My father's been kidnapped, a handsome vampire with a shady past won't stop shadowing me, and my best friend's family is actively trying to kill him. Fixing all of that won't be easy, though, since I've been cursed to complete 13 divine trials, while a newb fury haunts my every step. If I fail, I'll die. If I hesitate, my friends will suffer instead.

Bill Ryder is having a hell of a week. Magic is back, one of his friends has been entombed in solid rock, and he once again has no pulse to speak of. Too bad it’s about to get worse. Something is hunting vampires in New York City. A smarmy wizard has been called in to investigate, one with skeletons in his closet and eyes for Bill’s girlfriend. All the while, neolithic horrors - not seen since the dawn of time - are reappearing, wreaking havoc wherever they step.

Watching my friends die was hard. Getting blown up right after was even worse. But that's nothing compared to waking up to the mother I never knew and finding out she's a monster far worse than anything I've faced so far. Now, not only is she trying to set me up with every eligible demon between here and Hades, but she's busy plotting the demise of my best friend Gary—setting us up on a collision course for a battle to the death. All I want is to escape her clutches and get back to my life, but with a supernatural war brewing that might not be possible.

Imagine going to bed with mousy brown locks and waking up with a headful of supernova scarlet. It's a hot new look for me - literally, because it bursts into flames whenever I'm threatened. My magical makeover is all Gary's fault. I knew there was something off from the moment he transferred to my school. Go figure. He's a wizard with a trust fund and an inferiority complex. Now, thanks to him, I've graduated from high school bullies to supernatural terrors and that's not all. Fate has chosen me to face the legendary vampire destined to destroy the world.

Tamara Bentley thought rescuing her parents from the fairy queen would be enough—that she could go back to college and resume her life. Pity for her that reality has other plans, especially since it's on the verge of collapsing. Demonic entities are destroying the portals linking Earth to the multiverse. When the last one falls, all life as we know it will end. Sadly, with each connection severed, the supernatural beings of our world grow weaker. As their power fades, so too does their chances of stopping this cataclysm once and for all.

My name's Tamara Bentley and lately everything I touch turns to crap. My best friend is missing, I was forced to kill my favorite aunt...oh, and my parents have been kidnapped by the queen of the fairies. It's enough to give a person a complex. There's no time to drown my sorrows, though. I've got two warring factions to contend with. Neither the witches nor the werewolves like me, much less respect me, but somehow I need to rally them to my cause if I'm to have any chance of rescuing my parents.